Since a month has now passed since saying goodbye to the Sin City and new friends, I have had time to reflect, think too much and evaluate my 4 days at Coach Summit 2013. I have tried to narrow down the experience into nuggets of lessons learned, but as with a lot of experiences it kind of becomes like a plate of spaghetti where it is hard to tell where one lesson starts and another ends because they all get intertwined into one big pile. But I will do my best to unpack some thought here:
One, I still am not a great dancer. Not so much a lesson as just a simple reminder of my whiteness. Two, I really like Fireball Whiskey...and Fireball Whiskey likes me. C4 in the morning is like crack cocaine. Don't go through TSA with a buzz while trying to text, take your belt and shoes off.
But on to bigger and better lessons. What most of you don't realize because prior to our days in Vegas we had never met or only interacted in very limited settings is that there is a large part of me for a really long time that has struggled to look in the mirror and believe in the person that stood there looking back at me. As matter of fact for the past few years just not really liked my life.
So I boarded a plane out of Louisville, KY at 5:45 am. I met up with Aaron in Dallas around 9:00 am and boarded another plane to Vegas. Somewhere in that time span on that second plane before setting down in the desert these words were penned in my notebook I carried with me "You are capable. You are able. You are worth it." For the first time in a really long time in my life I believed those words. I honestly that those things of myself.
In all the places, in all the world that I should have felt out of my element and insecure -- people who are more successful, people who were fitter, people who were more beautiful -- I didn't. In fact, who I felt was like me, an authentic, real version of me. For the first time in years, I felt alive.
From night one, as the four of us guys stepped onto the streets of Vegas and found our way to the Hooters Casino of all places it all started unraveling. Just my evaluation, but I think we were all sort of misfits who somehow when all the stars aligned found each other.
I remember sitting in one of the general session just us guys. We were all fighting back tears from the incredible life changing stories of other coaches. I looked over to my right and Brad shows me his goose bumps and look to my left and Zach and Aaron are choking back tears. Not selling anybody out, but this was all part of my journey.
I have reflected back to try to identify exactly when it happened, when the insecurities swayed over to confidence. I honestly don't know, all I know is that somehow under the glowing neon of the Strip it all seemed to vanish.
You see, I wasn't ever supposed to be in Vegas. There was initially a vacation block at my job where that week was off limits. When that got lifted someone beat me to request that week to be asked off. It wasn't until about 6 weeks prior to Summit that I even able to make the decision to go. Somehow in that six weeks I got registered, flights booked and everything I needed. Why do I say all this? Because I see something Divine in all this. Not so coincidental as much as orchestrated. No coincidence the roommates I shared. Not coincidence who stayed out Thursday night at Coyote Ugly. Not coincidence who each of us seemed to connect to. I see it as orchestrated and designed if for no one else, then for me. Because I needed to divorce myself of the person I had been and find myself in the person I was meant to be. All each of you were a piece of helping that come to life.
I am not saying that I have arrived. There are still great hurdles in my life and to say it plain "shit" to figure out. Yet, there is a new found belief in Jeff. There is an honesty that was lacking. There is an authenticity that had been missing. A life to be lived that I had been holding back on.
So this is my thank you. Thank you for openly accepting me. Thank you for challenging me to be me whether you knew it or not. Thank you for asking the tough questions of me. Thank you for the conversations. This all happened in an environment I least expected, but most needed. So to each of you, you have been woven into the fabric of my life. For a guy who struggles with relationships and friendships that is big deal for me.
So back to the lessons, the big ones...not about dancing and whiskey
I have learned to be me. Maybe the biggest of all.
I am learning to trust and have confidence in myself.
Learning that I am worth winning and succeeding.
Summit 2013 will always be looked back upon as a hinge moment in my life where it swung wide open to all the possibilities of what it is supposed to become. Until the reunion, you will all be in my heart!
Jeff
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